I watched the Catholic Votes' parody Not Alone today. The video mimics the "It Gets Better" video series. The It Gets Better Project was founded by gay activist Dan Savage and his husband in response to the suicides of teens who were bullied for being gay or suspected of being gay. The goal of the It Gets Better Project is to prevent suicide among gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth.
Actually I watched Not Alone at least half a dozen times times. You're welcome for the views, Catholic Votes! Every hit counts. I suspect I'm, pardon the pun, not alone in multiple viewings. As I write this, the video has been viewed 1,330,214 times.
It starts off well enough, there's gender balance, visible minorities, nervousness, evident secrets. At 0:53, the absurdity starts. Watery-eyed, hesitant, Minority Female confesses that she's tried to change, but it's just too important. White Female says "I actually think marriage is between a man and a woman." Latino Minority Male reiterates his same belief.
That's right, Catholic Votes took a video series created to prevent gay teens from killing themselves and made it about their belief that gays shouldn't be allowed to marry. It took me two viewings to realize it wasn't satire. I wasn't sure if should feel impressed by their sheer audacity (or ignorance of irony) or revolted by their callousness. I settled on ignorance and callousness.
African Minority Male says "I already have an idea of what marriage should be. That will never change." I too have an idea of what marriage should be: brief and unrepeated, but that's my view on marriage for my own self; and that is open to change.
There were four cases before the U.S. Supreme Court that delivered the decision legalized same-sex marriage. In three cases, parents needed the legal rights marriage confers to be guardians of their own children. In the fourth, Obergfeld wanted to be named as husband on the death certificate of his partner of 21 years, and whom he legally married in another state.
Marriage may start out with a ceremony and pledges of love and devotion, but it is a legal contract bestowing protections, rights, and responsibilities, including children, property, taxation, health, retirement, inheritance, and death. These couples wanted parental rights to their children, they wanted the right to have their life together recorded in death. They wanted the same rights afforded to every other legally married couple.
In the Opinion of the Court, Justice Kennedy wrote "No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law."
After explicitly stating their marriage beliefs, the people of Not Alone go on to express the discomfort that arises from expressing an increasingly unpopular opinion. They simply wish to speak openly about denying the same marital rights they enjoy to same-sex couples and not be judged for it. The first part is guaranteed under freedom of speech. The second part is guaranteed to have the opposite effect under freedom of speech. Everyone has an automatic right to hold and express an opinion on any side of an argument. No one has an automatic right to be liked because or in spite of their argument.
When the argument is denying same-sex couples the right to marry, Kennedy wrote, "it is appropriate to observe these cases involve only the rights of two consenting adults whose marriages would pose no risk of harm to themselves or third parties."
No one is denying the people in this video of their right to believe and to say marriage is between a man and a woman. No one is denying them the right to appropriate an instrument to prevent suicide amongst LGBT youth to discriminate against LGBT people. No one is denying them the right to cry publicly about two consenting adults entering into a contract that does no harm to themselves or to others.
Everyone has a right to their own reaction and response. No matter how well crafted the video or how heartfelt the message expressed, even with "gay friends"(FYI, friends don't wish away friends' parental rights and spousal next-of-kin status), media is not a message sent-message accepted medium. This video is no doubt raising support and funds for Catholic Votes from its supporters, but with or without intent, it is receiving the attention of a majority that thinks differently.
Regardless of intent, whether fundraising, understanding, or support through perceived martyrdom by fictitious persecution (the denial of the right to discriminate against others is not persecution), it is likely only to resonate with an existing base and invites a Pandora's box of commentary, parody, and more parody.
When I was a kid I remember people being openly racist and it being acceptable. Those conversations wouldn't happen today, because beliefs do change over time. I may hold the Not Alone video in disdain and contempt, but in keeping with sunlight is the best disinfectant, I want their argument heard, because what can be reasonable among a group of people that think similarly, can become an obtuse, callous, and inhumane parody when exposed to the light of day of a broader audience.
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