Open letter to the NDP and Liberal Leaders

Dear Tom and Justin,

A three way tie does not work out in Canada's favour. It especially does not work out in Canada's favour when the voter base that isn't yours, because you have the same base, is the one most likely to turn out in droves on election day.

While I hope I'm wrong, I predict a Conservative minority government with either an NDP or Liberal opposition. The opposition party will be the one that fucks up the least before October. Currently it's looking like you, Tom, and I can't say it's undeserved after four years of throwing well-thought rocks at a wall of stupid.

Pay attention Justin, you're on watch after that yea vote on an anti-terrorism bill that never should have seen the light of day. I know it was meant to avoid a soft-on-terrorism attack ad, but in terms of weighty decisions, either you or your shortpants chose poorly. Expecting your base to get over the legislative trampling of their charter and privacy rights to not create a "wedge issue" when a Conservative majority guaranteed its passage anyway is just stupid. Everybody voted against it but your guys and the assholes that wrote it. In terms of a wedge, observe the side you placed yourself on on that 30/60 right-left split (the other 10 never ever counts).

As much as I would love a repeat of 1993 for either of you, it ain't happening come October unless Harper quits and Rona Ambrose, Helena Guergis, or Bev Oda replaces him. That ain't happening either. For the Liberals, you'd have to erase the last 20 years of the NDP government.  For the NDP, under Jack I'd say there was a chance, Tom, at this point nobody likes you as much as him.

If either of you actually gives a shit about Canada, you'll get over any ego issues the two of you have and should I be right, form a coalition after Harper’s defeat in the first vote in the House of Commons, because it's not about either of you. It's not about your parties. I don't give a flying fuck about your parties. It's about fucking Canada. It's our glorious true north strong and free. It's taking care of everything that makes me proud to be a Canadian that's been neglected, abused, dismantled, discontinued or sold off in this country in last decade.

And for the first one who says I was elected to serve my party and my constituents and I won't compromise by forming a coalition government, fuck you, you're wrong. Any gains you make in voting over the last election are not votes for you, they're votes against Harper. Even if they were votes for your party, it was because they want your MP to make things better not worse. Sitting on the sidelines splitting votes while the Harper Conservatives continue to run this country like it's Walmart is making things worse.

So Tom and Justin, suck it up, play nice with one another and fix this fucking country.

PS look at the picture. It's photo evidence you can get along.

But, but, but... what about my right to free speech?

In reading the news over the last couple weeks, it hasn't escaped me that some Canadians are harbouring some misconceptions about the right to free speech in this country.

A minor housekeeping item is the terminology. In Canada, our "freedom of expression" is enshrined in the Charter. "Freedom of speech" is an American term and their rules are slightly different.

A larger misconception is what freedom of expression gives you the right to do. Freedom of expression is the right to communicate your opinions and ideas without government interference or persecution, and even that is limited by legislation and statute.

I may believe running an ABC election campaign from the intersection of Duke and Barrington would score me a lot of media coverage, but there are laws that say I'm not allowed to stand in traffic. I can't express myself at 4:00 a.m. by having a rock concert in my backyard. I live in the city. Even north-end Dartmouth has noise bylaws.

I do not have a right to incite violence or hatred, nor do I have a right to lie to cause a person harm.*

But the granddaddy of all misconceptions is that freedom of expression is absolute. No one has absolute freedom of expression. No one. **

Freedom of expression is not freedom from consequences of expressing yourself. Freedom of expression means I won't be thrown in jail for writing "Stephen Harper is the worst prime minister Canada has ever had," but I will count myself out of a job with the Conservative Party (for life, and I'm okay with that, because he is that awful and I'd end up fired anyway).

The people who defend this guy, let's call him FHRITP, and say FHRITP doesn't deserve to lose his job, do not understand freedom of expression. While they may feel it is an inalienable right for FHRITP to scream obscenities at a female reporter (the actual legality of this is questionable), it is also the right of every human being that isn't a misogynistic emotionally-stunted jerk to express their opinions about FHRITP's actions. Including his bosses.

Those opinions lead to a review FHRITP's employment contract and subsequent firing. Freedom of expression is also limited by employment contracts, video footage, and stupidity.

A jewelry store in Mount Pearl, NL, sold a lesbian couple a set of engagement rings and before the rings were ready posted an in-store sign stating "the sanctity of marriage is under attack. Let's keep marriage between a man and a woman." To be sure when the owner said "it seems to be a Canadian right to post what you believe," he wasn't wrong. Freedom of expression does give him the right to express his beliefs. But it also gives others the right to express theirs.

Those beliefs are why the jewelry's Facebook page is shut down and the girls got a refund. Freedom of expression is also limited by capitalism, social media, and the notion of equal treatment under the law. ***

Freedom of expression is the right to express opinions and ideas. They can be wildly popular or wildly unpopular. They can be deeply held or off the cuff. What they can't be, by virtue of freedom of expression, is immune to the opinions and ideas of others.

Everyone has a right to share their opinions and ideas, even if offensive. I encourage everyone to let theirs out visibly and loudly. Get yourself out there! Be heard! Consider it a public service for everything from dating to HR. 

Freedom of expression does not equal freedom from consequences. Govern yourself accordingly. Or don't, just don't act surprised when the expressions of others bite you back. 


*Government houses have entirely different rules. 

**Maybe Kim Jong-un, but everyone who isn't afraid of being murdered by him hates him. I'm sure those people hate him too, they just don't want to die.

***The good book was used to defend slavery, segregation, and the complete subjugation of women. Western society has more or less adjusted to those things as being wrong and kept the faith. I highly doubt allowing Adam marry Steve and Eve marry Amy packs enough punch to crumble that bedrock.

Relationship meme for LTRs

Lots of people post memes on the internet that purport to explain what a real relationship is or the secret behind one. I've been with Shawn for a fairly long time and I didn't really identify with any of them. So I wondered what my own relationship meme would say.

After a couple weeks of thought, it's not terribly romantic or dramatic, but it boiled down to this:

I prefer to be in his company above all others, including my own.

Dog ownership suitibility test #1

If you're contemplating getting a dog, there are a number of steps you can take to see if you are suitable to be a dog owner. You can borrow a friend's dog and take it to the park. You can volunteer at a shelter. You can dog sit for a weekend.

These activities are a good start, but to truly know if you are compatible, you need to know what having a dog in your own living space will be like. I have devised a number of suitability tests. This first one is called Dog Dirt.

1. Ask your hairdresser to collect a full grocery bag of hair clippings.

2. Dump the hair clippings in a garbage bag.

3. Add a couple shovel fulls of dirt from your backyard to the garbage bag. For added realism, take it from your flower beds. Especially if they've been freshly planted. Overturn the rest of the bed for good measure.

4. If it is spring, add a few cups of water to the bag.

5. If you want a short haired dog, throw in a handful of lawn clippings and leaves. If you want a long haired dog, add a shovel full.

6. Mix well. If you have any black clothes or clothes that collect lint badly, you may wish to add them to the bag now, because you can forget about wearing them again if you do get a dog.

7. Take the bag inside your house and lightly sprinkle the mixture over the floor, the furniture, and everything else you own. Throw extra under the furniture.

8. If you have forced-hot-air heating, throw a little down the air ducts to make sure the dust and fur billows around properly when the heat comes on.

9. Sweep, vacuum, and mop up the mess. While you're cleaning, have a friend or spouse trail behind you sprinkling dirt and hair over all the areas you just cleaned. Have them lay in any dirt piles you accumulated and haven't swept into the dustpan yet.

10. If your spouse or friend is willing, ask them to eat some grass clippings or anything else found outside on the ground and throw it up on the floor. Ideally this should occur when you have company. Clean it up.

11. Make a sandwich. Put a some strands of hair in it. Pick the hair back out and eat the sandwich.

If you can live with this, congratulations! You've passed suitability test #1 of dog ownership.

Stay tuned next week's suitability test when we use a chisel and a hammer to hack random gouges in baseboards and moldings and then un-stuff a couch.  

The election promise I want to hear

With the release of the federal budget a couple days ago Canadian politics fully kicked into election mode, despite being months from dropping the writ. Cue the platforms. Cue the promises. Cater to the base!

I've been doing some serious reflection on my own political beliefs. Who is my base? I know it's not the Conservatives, both from using poli-sci survey tools and my deep and abiding disgust with their ideology and governance. I've always been a Liberal since I came of age, but if the last nine years of Conservative rule has taught me anything it's that blind party loyalty is a flaming pile of dog shit on every political house and by extension, all of our houses.

The poli-sci tools tell me I am totally onside with Greens, Liberals, and NDP with a narrow enough margin to make each of them first choice.

I decided to write my own election promises with the hopes that they may find their way into a platform.

I want every Canadian to have

1.  enough food to eat and a warm and safe place to sleep;
2.  equitable treatment;
3.  accessible and affordable healthcare and education;
4.  evidence-based policy and lawmaking;
5.  a government that recognizes that #1 is the minimum benchmark of governance.

The World Happiness Report was released today. The top four countries are all cold climates like ours. 1. Switzerland. 2. Iceland. 3. Denmark. 4 Norway. They do all five things.

Canada came in at #5. We need a government that, at a minimum, can keep us there. Despite achieving #5, the incumbent government is not going keep us there. They're not going to keep us there, because budget 2015, or fudget 2015 as I like to call it, is the furthest away from 1-5 of any budget in the last nine years.

I am not afraid: not winning on mortgages

President Franklin D. Roosevelt said in his 1933 inaugural address "...the only thing we have to fear is...fear itself — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." He was speaking to a nation in the despair of the great depression. He went on to lay blame squarely on the financial industry, address his nation's staggering unemployment, announce the adoption of a good neighbour foreign policy, and the very next day declared a four-day banking holiday to implement immediate financial reform.

On the eve of an election in the economic meltdown of 2008, when $15 trillion vanished from the global economy, when millions of people lost their jobs and their homes, our incumbent PM Stephen Harper offered these words of comfort and hope to his citizens:

"We always know when stock markets go up, people end up buying a lot of things that are overpriced, and when stock markets go down, people end up passing on a lot of things that are under priced. I think there are probably some gains to be made in the stock market. That's my own view."

What a hero to the people. Canada weathered the economic crisis very well, but that credit goes to our heavily regulated banking system. America's banking system was also heavily regulated, starting with Roosevelt to ensure Black Friday never happened again, but those laws were eroded over time.

The siren call of the free market took hold in the early 1980s and with each subsequent administration the old laws were defanged or outright repealed. When the Clintons took office, their national strategy to increase home ownership laid the track for the mortgage meltdown. Bush Jr. picked up their home ownership torch and the race continued. By 2008, the American financial and mortgage industries were free market and full Caligula.

Then new Rome fell.

At home in Canada there were definite losses, but what saved us that the bulk of the greed-driven insanity that occurred in the U.S. markets simply wasn't allowed under Canadian banking regulation.

We were on our way there, though. When the Conservatives took power in 2006 one of their first acts was to double available funds for government-backed mortgage insurance and raise insurable mortgage limits from 25 years to 40*. This doubled the buyers market, which subsequently spiked the housing market.

Then the meltdown happened and the Conservatives slowly brought mortgages back to what they were before they took office. They did so under the guise of being responsible fiscal managers. Really all they did was fix what they broke.

In 2012, the Conservatives cried victory with their keen financial management when within five years the average Canadian net worth exceeded that of the average American for the first time. If there was ever a time when the phrase "undeserved sense of self worth" applied, this was it.

America was still digging its way out of a financial pit of despair and its housing markets were still depressed. In Canada, the data showed the bulk of our net worth lay in real estate, the value of which received a hearty jolt from the Conservatives when they doubled the mortgage pool in 2006, and a booster with each mortgage correction that followed. At the same time, we started carrying more household debt than ever before, largely due to the high cost of real estate. In the six years between 2006 to 2012, the price of houses rose by 50 per cent.

Making changes to the market that inflate the price of real estate so that Canadians incur the highest household debt ever is not something to celebrate.  It is especially not something to celebrate when the country we're using as a benchmark is still working its way out of the recovery position.

This is engineered winning. This is manipulated statistics winning.

This is not winning at all. 

*Correction. An earlier version stated 35 years.

Canadian Taxpayer Federation: Trickle on this

 

A few days ago I wrote a blog post about ignorantly or intentionally using statistics to support a false conclusion. It was mathy, apologies, but it was a billion dollars a year of wrongness.

An article in the Chronicle Herald today, courtesy of the Canadian Taxpayers Federation, with the typical CTF headline drama: "Kill sick days, track employees". According to the CTF, paid government employee sick days are destroying Nova Scotia's economy and they've got the cherry picked data to prove it. Except that they don't prove it. The whole article is just a selection of convenient data points from the public sector with exactly one piece of corresponding data from private sector.

It's written solely for the purpose of generating anger towards public servants. Implementing their plan would fix absolutely nothing. Even if every public servant had perfect attendance, we'd still be buried under our massive provincial debt. We'd still have declining and aging population. And until September at the earliest, we'd still be viewed by the federal government as an unfortunate and embarrassing poor relation from whom we can expect a few drips and drabs of federal money in Conservative ridings and a healthy side of contempt.

The CTF sounds good in theory, no one likes paying taxes, but that's not what the CTF is about. The CTF is comprised of folks so far to the right Ted Cruz and Rand Paul are on the Christmas card list. Deep statistical analysis from CTF about Canadian economics and society is rereading Atlas Shrugged while audio recordings of Thatcher and Regan play in the background.

It's not about taxes, it's about ideology. It's Reaganomics, it's trickle-down theory, it's horse and sparrow theory. It's the theory of I've got mine, you get yours.

It's bullshit.

It's certainly not about saving Canadians from taxes they shouldn't have to pay. In response to the National Post on the 86 per cent increase in incarceration costs in Canada as a direct result of changes to sentencing laws in the preceding five years, Canadian Taxpayers Federation director Gregory Thomas said he had no issue with the costs of prisons increasing, as long as it keeps criminals away from Canadians and their property.

The CTF is just fine with the federal government blowing a billion dollars a year in taxpayer money to lock more people up, even though everybody told the government they were wrong. But they're not okay with paying people to stay home when they're sick.

Well, that's just sick.